Harry Potter: From the Mind of Me
by RubyBooks
Summary: The first few chapters, I actually tried, but I promise they get funny hahahaha. Eventually turns into a bunch of random happenings. I already have it hand written, so I'm trying to get it on the computer at least a chapter a day. Enjoy :
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hello, thanks for selecting my story! I just want to let everyone know that this is a story I wrote from 3rd grade to 5th grade so it isn't very good AT ALL! Just so everyone knows, this is NOT a serious story...I just stumbled upon the old journal i wrote it in and my sister suggested I post it on fanfiction. The first couple chapters I actually tried, but it gets pretty silly pretty fast! So for those of you who like hilarious Harry Potter stories that don't really have a point, this one's for you! Enjoy!!!!! OH PS. I do not own Harry Potter or anything related to Harry Potter. **

Chapter 1 (Harry's POV: Dursley Home)

"Ouch!" Harry said, trying to keep quiet. He had burned himself with the coffee he was making for his Uncle Vernon.

"Stupid," said Dudley as he kicked Harry's ass. Hard.

"Breakfast is served," Harry said glumly. He went to his room to write to his friends. To Hermione, he wrote:

_Dear Hermione, _

_I hope you're doing better than I am. Cant wait to see you. _

_Love, _

_Harry Potter_

And to Ron, he wrote:

_Dear Ron, _

_How are you? I'm counting the days until we can go back to school. I can't wait to see you!_

_From,_

_Harry Potter_

Harry sighed. Then, when he heard the Durleys leave the house, he went and drank the rest of the coffee, which was very cold at this point. He went to Hedwig and had him send the letters. Then, he sat down to watch TV.

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(Hermione's POV: Granger Home)

"Pass the toothpaste darling,"said Mr. Granger. Hermione was in her dad's home dentist office. She handed him the toothpaste, took a bite of her apple, and left the office.

"Hi mum," she said, "any main come?"

"Yes, one from Harry Potter." Hermione took the letter and ran to her desk. She opened the envelope, read the message and wrote back..

_Dear Harry,_

_Thank you so much for the letter. I'm fine. Did Ron write you? See you soon. _

_Love,_

_Hermione _

Then to Ron she wrote...

_Dear Ron,_

_Are you okay? I haven't gotten one single letter from you. I hope you're fine. If you can, please write._

_Love,_

_Hermione_

She mailed the letters and went to her recliner for a nice nap.

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(Ron's POV: The Burrow)

"Get offa' me!" Ron said. Fred was on top of him until Mrs. Weasley said, "FRED! GET OFF HIM! AND GEORGE, WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO WITH THAT BUTTER KNIFE! I HAVE EYES ON THE BACK OF MY HEAD!" All was silent in the house. Then Ron went up the five flights of stairs to his room and saw that Pigwidgeon had three letters in his mouth, one from Hermione, one from Harry, and the other for his dad. He tossed the unwanted letter out the door carelessly and ripped open the letters. After reading them, he wrote back to Harry...

_Dear Harry, _

_I'm great, I guess. I hope they're treating you okay over there mate. See you._

_Ron Weasley _

And to Hermione, he wrote...

_Dear Hermione, _

_Sorry! I'm okay, I just didn't have a lot of time this summer. You think that with seven kids, their would be less chores. I miss you so much, can't wait for school._

_Love, _

_Ron Weasley._

**So that's chapter 1!!!! This chapter is pretty boring, even I'll admit, but I wanted to stay true to my 4th grade self haha. Pleeease stay with me, I promise it gets good! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Yo, yo, yo! Okay so I hope you guys like this chapter a little bit better. It's a little sillier, A.K.A. : BETTER! Also, you might have noticed that these chapters are kind of short. Well, I was young and I HAND WROTE them so I didnt really feel like writing so much, haha. So... Enjoy :) **

Chapter 2 (Draco's POV: Malfoy Home)

"DAD!" Draco complained, "I WANT TO DESTROY POTTER AND HIS PATHETIC FRIENDS!!"

"Go on Draco.." said Luceus. It was the end of the summer and he was missing making fun of them. So he drew pictures of stick figures of the trio, mocking them. First he drew one of Harry Potter. The stick figure had gasses and buck teeth and had a speech bubble saying _Mama! Dada! Where are you!? Oh yeah, DEAD! Ha-Ha! _He drew one of Hermione Granger with big poofy saying _I'm a mud-blood! I have big hair and big teeth! Ha-Ha! _And finally he drew Ron Weasley, a stick figure on his knees begging for change saying _Will work for food! I need a dollar so I can buy some shoes! _Draco sent the evil pictures and felt sickly satisfied with himself.

______________________________________________________________________

Harry was sitting in his room and Hedwig brought him a letter from..Draco Malfoy... Curious, Harry opened the envelope to find a drawing that appeared to be him, mocking him because his parents were killed. He yelled with anger and frustration at it and cursed under his breath.

Hermione also got a letter from Draco. She ran to the mirror and was horrified to see that Draco was right..her hair _WAS _poofy. INSANELY POOFY! She told her father and he bought her some new books to make her happy again.

Ron got his letter from Draco and ripped it up. He went to his room in tears and drew the same kind of picture, but of Malfoy. What a poop.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: These chapters are way short. I'm just realizing that, haha. Please stay with me though =) Enjoy this chapter..**

Chapter 3 (Written in 3rd person: Hogwarts)

When they got to school, you could see that all the kids were playing their early pranks on teachers. One was a sign that said "Kick me," taped to Professor Snape's back. Another was that someone had snuck into Hagrid's hut and drew a mustache on him while he was taking a nap. And the best was that Professor Mcgonagall's brassiere was hanging where a flag should be.

"Give me my feminine support garment!" she ordered. Ron cracked up and fell to the ground, Harry laughed so hard he cried, and Hermione's face turned purple from holding in a laugh. Yep, they were definitely back to another normal school year.

"Oh. Mi. Gosh," said Harry, "We have a HOTTUB in our dorm!"

"I can definitely live with that," said Ron, jumping in, still wearing jeans and a sweatshirt.

"AHHHHH!!!" screamed Neville, running out of the bathroom in boxers. He was speechless.

"Neville," Ron said calmly, "That's a side of you we DON'T want to see..." Hermione walked in suddely.

"WOAH!" she said, leaving immediately.

"What happened Neville?" asked Harry. Neville could barely talk but said, "Big. Human. Turd." Harry just stared at him.. Ron made a crazy sign. "Quit lying," Ron said. "No! Come and see!" Said Neville. So they walked into the bathroom and standing right before their eyes was a Big Human Poop.

"NO WAY!" said Ron as Neville pushed it down the toilet.

At lunch, Harry said "Oh! Hermione there's a hottub in our dorm, and Neville wears Rupert the Bear Boxers, and his legs are scrawny, and there was a big human poop in our lavatory!" Hermione looked confused.

"*Hiccup!*"..Ron hiccuped. "Yeah! And HICCUP we HICCUP flushed it HICCUP down the HICCUP toilet!" She stared at him. Then got up quietly and snuck up behind Ron. "BOO!" she screamed.

"AHHHHHH!!!!!" yelled Ron, dropping his plate. "What the bloody hell was that all about! I almost choked!"

"Sorry. It's just....you were hiccuping..." she explained. They all burst out laughing and Harry choked on a grape. Hagrid gave him the Heimlich.

"Harry! You should've seen your face! You looked like you were gonna cry!" Hermione laughed. And they all kept laughing until the bell for the next class rang.

That night, the three of them sat on the couch.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!!" screamed Ron. Fred had jumped on top of him...for to tackle.

"Bloody Hell! I swear! Get off of me!" he yelled.

"Never ever ever" said Fred and George at the same time. "PILLOW FIGHT!" said Fred.

"......Nah.." said Harry, Ron, and Hermione all at the same time.

"Yes." said Fred. He threw a pillow....which landed in the fire.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! My gosh!" said Ron.

"That's what she said Ron...AND WHAT DID YOU DO!" yelled Harry.

"Wow." said Ron, "Bloody Hell! You guys are so weird! You don't go throwing pillows into fireplaces! I mean, use some common sense! Do you even have common sense????? I don't think so!...Throwing pillows into fire.." said Ron.

"Welllll..uhh...c'mon George...Let's uhh..get going, shall we?" said Fred, easing out the door. "I think its time to...go to bed!"

"OH NO YOU DONT!" exclaimed Ron as they ran to the door. "Don't let them get away!" Harry slammed the door. Ron got calm, even though his room was burning before his eyes. "Listen," he began, "You dont go throwing pillows ..into fires...and say you didn't. So I dont know what you'll do to put this out, but you guys had better hope your spit is cold and SPIT ON IT. OK?!" He said. Then George said "So..what do we have to run?...3?" Ron raised his eyebrows. "2?" He cracked his knuckles. "1?" Ron ran to them "COME BACK HERE YOU STUPID PILLOW THROWING JERKS!" he yelled as he chased them out of the room.

"Uh, Ron," said Harry, "There's like... a fire extinguisher..like..right here." And he put the fire out. And went to bed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Hey guys :) Here is when we finally start to see some random weirdness. I can tell you now that if you do not like your stories to make no sense, STOP READING. Don't keep reading and then tell me this story is lame, because I KNOW IT IS! Ha-ha-ha ;D Well, for those of you who DO enjoy randomness, ENJOY THIS CHAPTER!!!! **

Chapter 4 (Gryffindor Common Room)

"Party!" yelled Harry. It was right before the Halloween dance and everyone was excited. Hermione was wearing all white.

"You are a cloud," said Ron.

"No, you idiot. I'm a ghost," she replied. "And what are you?"

"A bear," said Harry plainly. "And old man," said Ron. George walked in.

"Oh...my....gosh.." said Harry. "What the bloody hell?!" exclaimed Ron, "What are you?"

"Cheese," said George.

"Wha?"

"CHEESE!"

"Alrighty then..." Fred walked into the room next.

"HOLY SNOT! What ARE you?!" asked Ron.

"Can't you tell?" asked Fred.

"No."

"I am a bear killing King in a pig suit."

"Ah, clever," said Harry. And they went to the dance. "But wait," Harry said, "Fred...you kill bears? AHHHH!!!"

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(Next day; Gryffindor Common Room)

"Guys," said Neville as he sat with Harry, Ron, and Hermione in the Gryffindor Common Room. "I have a confession to make." ....No one spoke.

"Okay," said Harry.

"What?" asked Neville.

"Would you like to TELL us your confession?"

"Ohhh.......No," said Neville. Hermione pinched his leg, to which he cried "OW! Ok stop it! I'll tell! Uhm.." he started to sweat, "I uh...TAKEBALLROOMDANCECLASSES! There! I said it!"

".......What's...ballllroooome?" asked Ron.

"It's a compound word Ron...figure it out," replied Hermione.

"A _what _word?"

"Ron....I say this because I care..GET SOME HELP." But it went right through him.

"Ballroom," Hermione started, "is like a waltz." said Hermione.

"Ah," said Ron as he looked at Ron puzzled. "You know what?...Nevermind."

And they went to sleep.


End file.
